Repairing Broken Communication
It can happen in every relationship - a communication breakdown. You’re cruising along (probably on Cruise Control) when suddenly, there is a breakdown. Or, you were moving along when you began to notice (and ignore) small indications of problems that grow obvious over time, eventually leading to a full-blown breakdown. Either way, things have broken down, and all your attempts to adjust and compromise have failed. Well, here are 3 tips for repairing a communication breakdown in your marriage.
Don’t Skip the Diagnostic. In a hurry to get things back up and running again, you may be tempted to skip the diagnostic - that is, to take time to discover what is really at the source of the breakdown. This could be quickly apologizing or deciding to be agreeable to whatever you spouse says. However, taking the time to examine the inner workings of communication with your spouse will pay off in the long run. Skipping the rewarding process of introspection may get you guys back on the road again. Yet, you will likely end up right back where you are due to the same issues.
Focus on What You Can Fix. The best way to ensure you never fix what is wrong is to waste time blaming your spouse. Is it possible that the breakdown is their fault - yes. However, remember that they may be thinking the exact same thing! If both spouses can not agree on the core issue, that’s ok. Be patient and address the things that you can agree on and change. “Well, what about my spouse,” you may ask. Ok. If there are severe issues with your spouse’s communication, remember that developing good communication is a process. The best time to work on that process in a loving way is not during a conflict or breakdown but when both individuals have the available emotional strength and a more agreeable temperament.
Schedule Maintenance. Some spouses are willing to take responsibility for the breakdown, adjust, and get back on the road. If that is you, once things get back to normal, do not forget to schedule maintenance. If you and your spouse run at top speed all week, you should take at least one day to conduct a “checkup.” Set aside a few hours to discuss with your spouse how they are feeling and experiencing life. Try to avoid talking about the kids or other responsibilities. This is the time to say, “We care about us and how we are doing.” Doing this not only ensures that there is no subtle bitterness growing but makes miscommunications easier to deal with as there is a sense that you and your spouse do, in fact, want things to go well - as proven by your weekly “checkups.”
Fine. You may be on the side of the road, and things aren’t looking so good. Yet, you don’t have to stay there. You and your spouse may just have different points of view. Realize that changing those won’t happen overnight or with a sharp rebuke during a heated conflict. Developing healthy communication is a process, and there is bound to be some miscommunication along the way. When this happens, be patient with each other. Make sure to get a sense of the issue by not skipping the “diagnostic,” not wasting time blaming your spouse, and remembering to schedule a time intentionally inquire about the state of your marriage’s communication and you’ll be cruising along before you know it.
What’s your best advice for getting this back on track after a communication breakdown? Comment below.
